


Love: Confusing, Frustrating, and Dumb

by RedXD



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Bdubs is Oblivous, Break Up, Confusion, Doc is also Oblivious, Etho knows all, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, M/M, Misunderstandings, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, but not actually, they're both dumb gays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:22:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24943048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedXD/pseuds/RedXD
Summary: Bdubs loves Doc.But what hurts is the fact that he's certain Doc doesn't love him back.
Relationships: BdoubleO100/Docm77, Doc/BDubs, Docm77/BdoubleO100, Docm77/Rendog, Steffen Mossner | Docm77/John | BdoubleO100
Comments: 5
Kudos: 206





	Love: Confusing, Frustrating, and Dumb

**Author's Note:**

> bdoc supplier has returned with a messy oneshot ovo

Bdubs thought Doc and him were something special.

They were friends in the mighty NHO, along with Beef and Etho.

Those times are something he thinks upon fondly, but when he looks back on the memories, he’s aware he felt things.

He had developing feelings that were far from normal for Doc.

But he didn’t think much of it.

Then he, Beef, and Etho left. They all hit pause on their friendships with each other (minus Beef and Etho).

Doc was frustrated and hurt. Bdubs to this day has never seen him more hurt.

_He was hurt because of me…_

He reminds himself.

Despite his despair, they all left. Bdubs didn’t leave for long, returning sooner than the other two. But it was already too late.

When he returned, he expected to hit play on his friendship, his _something_ with Doc.

But instead he realized, he didn’t hit pause, he cleared the entire friendship by leaving. Doc was far from interested. He’d made friends with Scar and Ren. And they didn’t leave him for no solid reason.

So he was stuck.

He had to rebuild a friendship from rocky soil. But Doc didn’t seem interested.

Then they had the bidding war for Grian’s house. When the world reset, they both seemed to be out to get each other.

Fighting. So much fighting. Even mild war almost.

And each night he’d think about how much he desired that _something_ back from long ago.

The goat was an accident.

Bdubs was frustrated and he just wanted Doc to _notice_ him. To realize that he exists and not just _ignore_ him and hire people to prank him as if he were some pest Doc can’t even bother looking at.

Keralis got nearly killed and was angry about that. They didn’t mean to activate it. They meant to have Doc do it so they didn’t just grief… so it was an actual prank.

But no, they had to get cocky.

Then Doc, oh god _Doc._

If Doc hated him before, he _despised_ him after Mount Goatmore lost its head. Bdubs had killer after killer sent after him.

Yet again, it was like Doc couldn’t even be in the same room as him.

He thought that was painful enough for him.

Bdubs expected that to be the last of it. And for a while he was right.

They made up, they were _friends_ again. And just like that: so were the messy and complicated feelings he had.

Dreams of Doc? New. Cringing slightly at the word ‘friends?’ Even newer.

Apparently his feelings had the ability to grow into an adult. They were only a mere baby before but now they’re a drunk 21 year old at a party.

But then every good possibility or future died and so did his happiness.

He noticed… _things._

Doc hung out with Ren. A lot. They did different things together, they were close, quite literally.

Bdubs barely saw Doc anymore and when he did, he was with Ren.

Ren. It was always Ren. Not him… not even Etho.

But Ren.

Not that he has anything against Ren… more that he simply wishes that Doc hung out with him too.

But he doesn’t.

Bdubs went to Etho and told him, told him about his confusion, his feelings, asking for help. For some solution.

The white-haired male gave him simple advice, that he should confront Doc and tell him. That Doc and him are friends again and he’d understand, probably even reciprocate.

So as one for bad ideas, he decided to go for it. That the stuff he’s seen with Ren isn’t something to worry about.

_That our something is special..._

That’s where he is now.

Etho helped him make a bouquet of roses, poppies, even bamboo. He pushed his hair back, and got jeans without holes on the knees. He talked with Etho and prepared what he’d say.

For once, he put effort into planning a social interaction.

He checks to make sure he has the flowers and starts to walk over to Doc’s half house. He’d fly, but he knows the air pressure would ruin his rare ‘neatness.’ He wipes his hands on his jeans as he nears. He sees the house in sight and smiles.

_I got this._

_I got this._

_I need to be aware of these feelings and embrace them like Etho said. Etho’s smart right?_

Swallowing his nervousness, he approaches and turns the corner with his mouth open and ready to talk.

But he freezes.

_Etho you blind bastard._

His flowers are useless in his trembling hands as he shakes.

_I’m so stupid. And dumb. And annoying. How could I possibly be so idiotic?_

He wishes to perish as he stands there, watching Doc kiss Ren.

Bdubs drops his flowers, the collision as they plomp onto the ground making him realize he’s still there. He turns around and rushes, runs away.

Taking out his rockets, he messily launches himself into the air and flies all the way till he hits the shopping district. The purple mycelium messes with his eyes, all the bright colors blurring together into a giant painting that water was spilled on. His face grows hot with tears and he feels as if his head is mocking him.

His landing is more of a crash as he slams into the roof of the town hall.

_Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot._

_I’m stupid and dumb and Etho why’d you ever believe I could ever have a shot with Doc?_

_How could I ever have a shot with someone perfect and better than me. He’s out of my league._

Bdubs crumbles to the ground, hitting a pile of bushes and letting his body stay tangled in the greenery.

_I hate myself._

_But even more…_

_He doesn’t love me and I hate it._

—

Doc and Ren were trying something. Or they did.

He thought he loved him. They both thought that their feelings meant more.

They spent time together, experimented. But as time passed, he noticed things. A lot of things.

How Ren always had hair in his eyes when Doc likes it better when he can see someone’s eyes. How Ren’s touch wasn’t warm and soft. How he didn’t get butterflies in his stomach when he was around him.

All things he thought weren’t signs of any issues.

But then, they decided to try a kiss.

To test the waters and see if they were safe.

It was awkward, messy. They bumped noses and his face felt gross and slimy. He cringed halfway through.

They both ended up pulling back.

Ren said he had doubts. How he felt as if his heart was on a high around someone else. He explained how he thought he loved Doc, but that love wasn’t being directed at the right person.

His smile was one of ‘we tried, but we got the equation wrong and now we have to correct it.’

Doc mentioned his doubts too. They talked.

It was civil. An agreement of a false feeling they both had. He mentioned how he’s always liked people who had a strong and positive presence, but something about Ren’s wasn’t what he was looking for.

The other’s eyes looked at him with a look of complete understanding.

“You like him, and I get that. I don’t like you the same way we thought and that’s okay. Still friends?”

“Still friends.”

And they parted ways.

Doc felt confused…

_Him? Who’s… him?_

Maybe he should’ve asked what Ren meant.

But then he realized something while looking at the half house opposite of his.

_Bdubs._

_I was pretending Ren was Bdubs._

Gears turned in his head, different things unlocked as the facts clicked in his head.

Bdubs never has hair in his eyes, Doc wanted Ren not to have any hair in his face so he’d look more like _Bdubs_. Bdubs touch _is_ warm and soft. He gets a million butterflies in his stomach when he argues and screams with his pesky neighbor.

His neighbor the loudmouth. His neighbor the builder. His neighbor, the man he had _actually_ felt something for, had displaced what he felt towards Ren instead.

The neighbor who’s been avoiding him for the past week and Doc is completely unsure as to why.

Whenever he tries to talk to him, gets close to him, Bdubs flies off. If he’s around someone else, he’ll say goodbye and leave or take the person somewhere.

Every hermit is being treated normally. Doc though, he’s avoiding.

_Why isn’t he talking to me?_

_What did I do?_

One night, he finally breaks. He can’t focus on his projects, he can’t think straight.

Not without Bdubs’s voice in the back of his mind. But he hasn’t heard the pleasant, adorable melody in _far_ too long.

So as the sky darkens, he decides to try and catch Bdubs before he goes to bed.

He takes out his bright red rockets, of which are limited, and flies into the air. His eyes lock onto the detailed town ahead, his lips cracking into a smile upon seeing the beautiful and wondrous builds of the other.

_Of course his base is absolutely stunning._

When he lands on the ground, he glances around for where Bdubs might be. As the sun is setting rapidly, he’s sure the man is already near a bed. So he decides to snoop a bit.

Doc wanders around, peeking his head in the different buildings and calling Bdubs’s name.

His eyes drift to the diorite house to his left. He runs over and comes to a halt outside the front door. He knocks, once… twice.

No response.

Frowning, he grips the doorknob and spins it, the door opening with a small creak. He steps inside and gapes for a moment at the detail and decoration.

_He really went all out._

Shaking his head, he walks up the steps and spots two doors. He nears the first one and hears a noise inside. As if someone is pushing something in front of the door on the other side.

He speaks loudly, “Bdubs?”

No response.

Though he hears movement.

Doc grabs the door, but as he inquired, there’s something in the way.

“Bdubs, let me in.”

No response.

He grits his teeth, “Bdubs I’m not leaving till you talk to me.”

Finally he hears a muffled voice from within:

“I don’t want to talk to you!”

Doc huffs, “Why not?! What did I do to make you suddenly hate me?! Weren’t we back to being friends?”

Bdubs’s response is immediate, “I don’t hate you!”

“Then open the door!”

“No! I’m-I’m- I’m naked!”

_Why is that his first excuse?!_

Face flushing at the thought, “No you aren’t! You’re making up excuses!”

“No I’m not!” He pauses, “Okay I’m not entirely naked, but I’m shirtless so you still can’t come in!”

“Then put a shirt on you idiot!”

His face grows hotter as he swallows.

_Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it._

There’s shuffling and then he can hear Bdubs moving whatever was in the way. After a moment, the door is whipped open and Doc sees Bdubs standing there.

His headband is off, laying behind him on a blue bed. There are bright red rings under his eyes and Doc notices Bdubs wearing the black ‘NHO’ tank top he used to wear often.

Doc’s eyes stay glued to the shirt.

_He still has that? I thought he would’ve thrown it away. Or burned it._

Bdubs glares at him, but his eyes turn to confusion as he notices Doc’s stare. His eyes drift down and he reddens.

“What?! Got an issue with this shirt?” He puffs up, “My eyes are up here!”

Gulping, his eyes dart up and meet Bdubs’s caramel ones.

“Sorry, I just… You still have your NHO tee?”

The other nods, folding his arms in front of his chest, “Yeah… It was an important part of my life, so?”

Doc shakes his head, “Nothing… I’m just glad you kept it.”

Bdubs’s face darkens with a splotchy red blush painting over his dotted freckles. He avoids eye contact and clears his throat.

“Ya wanted to talk? I opened the door, so talk.”

His eyes stare holes into the doorframe.

_Right right… I got distracted._

_It’s so easy to get distracted when I’m around him._

He takes a deep breath, “Bdubs, why have you been avoiding me?”

“I haven’t been-”  
  
“Bullshit.”

They both go silent.

Bdubs lowers his head and his arms tighten in front of him. He starts to shake just ever so slightly, shoulders bobbing up and down.

_Is he scared? Why is he shaking?_

Doc reaches a hand out and softly grasps Bdubs’s shoulder. It’s enough to make his head turn back to Doc. Said male rubs his thumb over the exposed shoulder. He traces lines between each dotted freckle.

“ _Please_. If I harmed you in some way I’d like to know.”

The other’s eyes widen and his lip quivers as he shakes his head and his eyes move away again.

Finally, he whispers under his breath.

“You didn’t do anything. You did absolutely nothing.”

_Wait what-_

Bdubs inhales sharply, eyes darkening, “I’m avoiding you because _I’m_ too embarrassed to confront you.”

“Confront me?” Doc raises an eyebrow.

He watches as the shorter male nods slowly. He sways slightly, balancing his weight on his feet, shifting between the left and right.

His voice is even smaller and quieter, “I saw you kissing Ren.”

Doc freezes.

_Shit._

Opening his mouth to explain, Bdubs continues, voice growing a bit louder.

“It’s okay! I don’t plan to tell anyone about your guys relationship if you don’t want me to. I just… I was shocked and embarrassed because _Etho_ said I had a shot and I got flowers and-”

_Shit. Shit._

Doc’s eyes widen, “Flowers?” His voice cracks.

Bdubs’s eyes widen as well, but he gulps and begins to shake even more, “Doc- Listen, I know you’re probably upset that I like you, but I’m not going to get in your’s and Ren’s way so there’s no need to be mad and-”

“You _like_ me?”

The other flinches and laughs painfully, “Well _love_ actually, but that’s not what you should focus-”

His thoughts slip out,  
  
“Holy shit you saw me and Ren kissing.”

The shorter male smiles, his face scrunched up in pain, lips quivering so much the smile is nearly unstable. “Yes I did.”

Doc rushes to step forward and grasp Bdubs’s other shoulder. The shorter male freezes, face reddening as Doc closes in.

“You think I’m in love with Ren?”

Bdubs raises an eyebrow, mouth curling into a small, confused frown, “Yes…?”

He sighs and shakes his head, “No-No… Bdubs I’m not in love with Ren. Well- I thought I was, but I’m not. I like someone else.”

This only causes Bdubs’s face to darken as his eyes close tightly.

“Okay so you don’t like Ren. What- Ya like Etho? Was his suggestion just a cruel joke? Seems unlike him to be honest.”

_Bdubs please._

_He thinks I don’t love him._

_Why did I kiss Ren, I’m an absolute idiot._

Doc smiles hopefully and whispers, “No Bdubs. I’m talking about _you._ ”

The other gapes, “Wait what? No...No… Why would ya like me? I’m _nothing_ compared to you! You’re smart and talented and you’re _voice_. Not to mention _tall._ ”

Grinning from ear to ear at the shorter male, he leans down, pressing his nose to Bdubs. He stares him in the eyes.

“What a liar.”

“Huh?”  
  
He shakes his head just barely, “You’re beautiful and funny and you light up a room just by being in it. Not to mention _cute._ ”

Bdubs’s eyes widen and his face melts into a smile.

“I am?”

“Completely.”

His eyes fill with happy stars and flakes of bright yellow and orange.

“So you aren’t dating Ren?”

Doc laughs, “No, I’m not.”

Bdubs nods, “So… Can I kiss ya?”

Narrowing his eyes, he smirks, “If you can reach.”

The other’s eyes turn to a glare as he seizes Doc’s coat and yanks him down.

It’s awkward. Far messier than the one with Ren.

Yet, he feels his heart melt and his brain turn into a puddle.

His chest beats fast, swelling with joy and bliss from the mere presence of Bdubs.

So despite it being far from perfect… to Doc, it is the definition of _perfection._

Turns out:

Love is absolutely confusing.


End file.
